All Dogs go to heaven?

TO: GOD
FROM: THE DOG

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.

5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello'.

8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.

12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

U.S. Sanitary Commission visits the Third Maine

June 18, 1861 - President Lincoln signs a bill making the United States Sanitary Commission an official agency. During the next fours years of civil war the volunteer work of thousands of women in the U.S. Sanitary Commission would cut the disease rate of the Union Army in half, and raise around twenty-five million dollars in support of the Northern war effort. Sanitary agents prowled the camps, inspecting the living conditions and the hospitals and setting standards for the hiring of medical personnel.

On August 2, 1863 a group of USSC ladies visited the Third Maine Regiment, Company A at Scribner's Mill, Harrison Maine. This is the report that was filed.

To Mr Frederick Law Olmstead, General Secretary of the United States Sanitary Commission

Sir,
I had occasion to visit the Maine Regiment, Company A at Scribner's Mill, Harrison Maine. Mrs L question the Captain of the group and though he seemed reluctant to allow us to enter the camp, he did realize it was our duty and we were allowed entry. Our first sight was 2 young lads. They were playing the devil's game, gambling and cards. I am concerned that the company's First Sargent and Captain have allowed the impressionable young men to partake in these detrimental activities. The lads were persuaded to take up the good book instead.

Next we visited a Private who seemed to have difficulty standing. At first we though he might have been partaking in liquor but it was found that he was under a physicians care and had laudanum for a previous injury.

I must applaud the men on one point. They all had a spare clean shirt though the size seemed the same for all.

The next Private we spoke to had a severe case of lice. It is my recommendation that a case of strong lye soap be sent to this group as soon as can be arranged.

Our attention was then drawn to a smooth faced man with a particularly harsh cough. We suggestion that he grow a beard to keep his throat warm during the dampness of the evenings.

Mr Olmstead, there is a Senator Gowen in the ranks, I believe he will be writing you with his concerns as he was quite loud in his complaints. The first Sargent assures us that these will be handled through military channels.

To our horror, we found a tablet posted indicating that there would be a card game in the evening and that the soldiers were to lie to us during our visit. The First Sargent again assured us this was a Private playing a joke and the offending soldier would be disciplined.

It came to our attention that there was a woman living in the camp. She was a letter writer for the men so that they could keep contact with their wives and sweethearts at home. We suggested that she also read temperance literature and the good book to the men as well.

Another concern is the lack of rails and proper disposal of the men's waste. The captain assures us that there was no cause for concern but all the same we insisted he build a proper railing to prevent falls.

Our overall impression is that these men need the calming influence of a chaplain to keep their thoughts and bodies pure.

Respectfully Submitted